I know, I know…I should want to lose weight primarily for health reasons. Get more energy, lower the risk for disease, look after the only body I have…and such. I want those things too. I want to be healthy and strong and energetic and enjoying my super healthy self. But sometimes, I just want to lose weight for totally vain reasons. No, not “skinny people are prettier” or any of that bull. I think women of all shapes and sizes can be beautiful. And I don’t want to be “skinny” per se. Maybe I should have titled this “I want a healthy body but I also want that body to be bangin’!” Anyway, in an effort to be motivating for myself and maybe you, here are my vapid reasons.
1. I miss so much of my wardrobe
In the last year I have put on about 35 pounds. On top of the existing “extra 20.” Between stress, antidepressants and a whole lot of fast food and candy, it came on quick. I left my clothing in the dust. I miss so many of my cute outfits that just DO NOT FIT. Especially when summer rolled around and I realized I had two pairs of shorts I could pull over my thighs. Left behind were those cream crocheted shorts I got in Mexico, my best pair of denim short-shorts, my board shorts that I live in over my bikini bottoms, and many more. They sit sadly in a pile shoved to the back of the closet, lest I gaze and them and start crying and debating just how tight is “too tight.” I want these babies back. And the cute shorts are just the tip of the iceberg. Don’t even get me started on sundresses and tank tops.
2. I have an “at risk chin”
Yup, Amy Schumer just gets me. If you don’t know what I am talking about, watch this:
That side profile in the mirror is showing me an extra chin layer that wants to come out and play. For those of you who are like “I saw your new picture on Facebook and your chin is fine,” you have no idea the selfie attempts and angles that it took to achieve that kind of magic. Smoke and mirrors people. I would like my old jawline. I would also like my “over 30” hormones to stop growing black hairs from my chin, but that is another story for another day.
3. My feet are getting fatter
There was once a time when I believed my feet would just stay as they were. No matter what, I would fit shoes in my size. Now, I am still an 8.5, but I only seem to fit shoes with a higher yoke. I tried on almost 30 pairs of cutesy flat sandals and one…ONE PAIR didn’t slice red marks into the tops of my feet. I think if I don’t get my crap together I will only fit Crocs. I just cannot allow my feet to wear Crocs anywhere but camping and gardening.
4. I have to be careful about haircuts and sunglasses
I have an oval face shape. Go read stuff about oval face shapes. We are the chameleon of face shapes. Long hair, short hair, round or square or heart shaped sunglasses. I even looked cute in 99% of hats. Now, my oval face is rounding out and I have to check to see if my new haircut frames and narrows my face, or makes me look like an Oompa Loompa.
5. I want to wear a bikini
Ok, I think you should just wear a freaking bikini if you want to. But see #1. Mine don’t fit. Even my cover ups don’t fit. I spent years of teenagedom thinking I had to be super modest/I wasn’t skinny enough for a bikini. I have serious time to make up and I want to OWN THE BIKINI.
6. Those flowy outfits
Ok, I clearly am a clothes whore and that is the real problem. But really, I love those flowy, shapeless hippy dippy dresses and shirts. When I wear them now, I lose all shape whatsoever. I want to wear a potato sack with shoulder straps and not feel like I am hiding. Right now, my flowy clothes are for days when I want to hide something.
7. Eat all the food
Ok, this one sounds pretty counterproductive, but I can’t wait to be at a healthy weight where a workout means ice cream; not ice cream means “well, there goes that 5 km hike.” Unhealthy mindset, maybe. But this is MY vain list, remember?
8. I want to love my body
I want to look in the mirror and be like “ooh yeeeaaaah.” I want to love what I see. And that has been gone for a very long time. Oops, I went and got all serious on you there. But you get it, right? I don’t want to catch a glimpse of myself in Warrior 2 in yoga class and only be able to focus on sucking it in. I want to be like “those squats gave me a killer booty.” So it is time for me – time to get a move on, and love that girl in the mirror. Cuz she is pretty awesome, at risk chin and all.