I have a few fears. We all do, whether we care to admit them or not. If prompted I will list off the usual:
– Spiders (bulbous or jumping ranking highest)
– Needles (my real reason for avoiding the flu shot)
– Unfinished basements (turn on EVERY light and ignore the feeling you are being watched)
But deep down, past the childhood phobias, what I am really afraid of is uncertainty. I want a plan, a guarantee, a precise outcome. I want everyone else to cooperate with the plan.
Needless to say, the last 6 months have been anything but certain. The plan has been altered more times than I want to admit. I have no job. I am currently living with my parents while my husband starts his new business and our earthly belongings sit in storage.
This isn’t a pity party. But it is growth.
We have had to wait. And trust. And wait. And wait. My inner Technical Writer is screaming “this isn’t a process!” I am mentally filling the margins with clarifying questions. Questions that are met with more waiting.
I want to know the end point. I want a project schedule with dates set in stone.
But major life changes don’t always work that way. I don’t know when I will get a new job. I don’t know who it will be with. Will I love what I do, or will it simply pay the bills.
At this point, I will leap at pay the bills. But man, do I want that dream job!source
So for now, I have to face that almighty fear of uncertainty. I will apply for that dream job and cross my fingers so hard they pop right off.
Colin and I are hoping that this month will bring some fruition to the last 6 months of planning. That I will get a new job, that I will move from being with my parents to be with him.
I absolutely cannot wait to get on with my life and this new exciting stage we are in. Even if it scares me to death.
If all else fails, Blair Waldorf has a point with the mimosas.